Make Me Laugh

Cosmo (sung by Donald O'Connor):

Though the world is so full of a number things,
I know we should all be as happy as
But are we?
No, definitely no, positively no.
Decidedly no. Mm mm.
Short people have long faces and
Long people have short faces.
Big people have little humor
And little people have no humor at all!
And in the words of that immortal buddy
Samuel J. Snodgrass, as he was about to be lead
To the guillotine:
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Don't you know everyone wants to laugh?
(Ha ha!)
My dad said "Be an actor, my son
But be a comical one
They'll be standing in lines
For those old honky tonk monkeyshines"
Now you could study Shakespeare and be quite elite
And you can charm the critics and have nothin' to eat
Just slip on a banana peel
The world's at your feet
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em...
Make 'em laugh
Don't you know everyone wants to laugh
My grandpa said go out and tell 'em a joke
But give it plenty of hoke
Make 'em roar
Make 'em scream
Take a fall
Run a wall
Split a seam
You start off by pretending
You're a dancer with grace
You wiggle till they're
Giggling all over the place
And then you get a great big custard pie in the face
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Don't you know... all the... wants...
My dad...
They'll be standing in lines
For those old honky tonk monkeyshines
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Don't you know everyone wants to laugh?
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha
Make 'em laugh, ah ah!
Make 'em laugh, ah ah!
Make 'em laugh, ah ah!
Make 'em laugh!
Make 'em laugh!
Make 'em laugh!

"Make 'Em Laugh" ~ Singin' in the Rain (1952)
https://youtu.be/SND3v0i9uhE

Actually a quote from baseball great, Yogi Berra, I believe, :

“When you come to a fork in the road….take it.”

Rodney Dangerfield – I get no respect:

I was 8 years old – on my first airline flight with my parents.

We were traveling over the ocean.

My mother put my hat on and said “Go outside and play”

Have you heard the one about the corduroy pillow?
It's making headlines.

What's the opposite of irony?

Wrinkly.

Ripping this off from an Instagram Reel.

My wife asked me, "Have you seen the dog bowl?"
I told her, "No, I never knew he could."

A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie is everywhere!

As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.
The plot thickens...

I bought art on fine art america :)

Bread to the dough;

Don’t mind the baker. He’s just trying to get a rise out of you.

What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?

Phillipe Phillope

ARTIST: I'd like your opinion on my painting.

CRITIC: It's worthless.

ARTIST: I know, but I'd like it anyway.

Dog owner: "The neighbors tell me you've been chasing people on bicycles!"

Dog: "They're lying, I don't even have a bicycle!"

Maybe an image can make you laugh - as this horse was laughing at me for taking his picture. :)

Spelling is hard... a couple of letters get messed up and your whole sentence is urined....

I'm thinking about removing my spine. I feel like it's only holding me back.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day , but I couldn't find any.

I got a booster shot recently because the doctor told me my laugh was contagious.

Hee Haw!

Why do doctors whack newborns on the bottom?

To knock the weenies off the smart ones! 0:)

Firstly, thank you all for making me smile this evening!

I must admit I do also like the occasional geek joke. Such as...

- There are 10 types of people in this world,
- Those that understand binary, and those that don't.

That joke’s a “10”!

Why don't they play poker in the jungle??

There are too many cheetahs.

Richard, please brush your horses teeth.
I have a toilet brush I can loan you.

Today I gave my dead batteries away. They were free of charge.

You know what always catches my eye?

Short people with umbrellas.

What do you call an art show that's been curated by a 35-year-old art coordinator and a 62-year-old retiree? "Modern Art Meets Retirement: A Timeless Exhibit!" It's the only place where you'll find classic rock blaring next to abstract paintings, and the early bird special includes a complimentary critique of the brushwork!

How much does pirate corn cost?

A buck an ear.

How does a penguin build his house?

Igloo's it together.

What’s the opposite of ladyfingers?

Mentos.

What is the speed and movement of a computer mouse is measured by?
Your wife walking in. :-)

What did the tomato say to the bacon during lunch?

Lettuce be together.

What do you call a guy who is pouring water into a glass?

Phil.

Did you know there's a book out called Ten Steps To Improve Your Long Jump?

I think that’s cheating.

I've lost 20% of my couch.

Ouch.

How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?

With four casters.

I did some financial planning and it looks like I can retire at 97 and live comfortably for eleven minutes.

Money talks but all mine ever says is goodbye.

How do you find a missing artist? Look for the sketchy characters!

My friend has joined a cult that worships black holes.

I’d hate to get sucked into something like that.

If there's watermelon, shouldn’t there be earthmelon, firemelon, and airmelon?

These are the elemelons.

Q. What did the boy cicada say to the girl cicada?

A. I've been dreaming about you for 17 years......where have you been all my life?

Why do penguins go around in pairs?

Because Freezer Crowd.

Q. What did the girl cicada say to the boy cicada?

A. Don't think I'm shallow but I just have to tell you that the only reason I chose you over all those other boys is just because I fell in love with the sound of your voice.

Why did the photographer become a gardener?

She wanted to focus on developing new shoots!

What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?

Hailing taxis.

Why should you not give Elsa a balloon.

Because she would Let It Go.

Sorry I didn't answer my phone when you called. I don't use it for that.

Q. Why were all the leash laws requiring that cats and dogs wear collars and leashes when not in their own fenced in yards eliminated? Why are cats and dogs now allowed to run loose and free and do whatever they want to ? Why are they now coming and going as they please? Why were all the kennel doors and front doors and back doors at the a
Animal Control Venters and Humane Societies and the Dog Pounds all opened allowing for all of the cats and dogs to just walk right out the front door just like they owned the place ?

A. It's reigning cats and dogs. All these new changes are due to a new royal decree by the reigning cats and dogs. And you simply do not argue with royalty. You just give them a nice treat and obey!

How many Surrealist artists does it take to change a light bulb?

A fish

Eggs and bacon walk into a restaurant. The waitress says, "We don't serve breakfast here."

What does Arnold Schwarzenegger call a colonoscopy?

A Cameron Diaz.